Morning akjnfi ! (::
Ohohoho !
Shall be kind this month by giving two posts ! Ahahaha !
Be touched eh ! :DD
Yeap , kind of bored doing maths , so came to write some stuffs while waiting for school to start .
6 more hours to School , and 30more minutes to bed time !
So shall dedicate my last 30minutes to this post !
:DDD
Nothing much happen lately , not going tell my results ._. Its horrible .!


Anyway today post is not bout school life , something more complicated .
Well , let's begin then .


I like you , & you don like me .
Its simple to understand ain't it ?
But why is it so difficult for me to just let you go ?
And why de hell are you even still entertaining me !
Yes i want spent time with you , but its just ...
I dono ! It feels wrong !
You noe i get jealous easily , you noe that long long ago !
Dam it ! I dono how to put it in words .
DO YOU EVEN NOE WHAT I'M FEELING EVERYTIME I SEE YOU CLOSE WITH ANOTHER BOY !?
YES ITS NOTHING TO YOU !
BUT ITS HELL LOT OF SUFFERING FOR ME !
HAVE U EVER FEEL UR WHOLE HEART SHATTERED AND THERES AN IMMENSE SOURNESS IN UR ENTIRE BODY !?
NO MATTER HOW HARD U TRY TO GET RID OF IT , IT WILL JUST COME BACK AND EVEN MORE TORTUROUS ?!

I'm not saying u can't nor am i forbidding you , its just .. You either doing it on purpose for fun or u just simply don care about my feelings .
Yes i noe , i'm not ur who , you don't owe me any explanation .
But ., you can explain things to Delvin and not to me ?
Not only Delvin , you can explain to everyone and anyone except me !
WHAT MAKES ME SO DIFFERENT FROM EVERYBODY ELSE !?
Why they can have a better life than i do !
You tell them ur explanation and gave them a choice to choose whether they want to believe it or not , but i din't even get a choice ! Mine was a straight "you also not my who , why must tell you ."



That day , 2days ago , u stopped messaging me .
I had a hard time convincing myself , you left . For my own good , to study hard .
But during recess , I saw you with another boy sitting close together and chatting happily .
I wish i had never seen that at all .
CAuse right after i saw , everything came crashing down .
You are not me , you won't noe how i feel , u din't even had that feeling before ! So what do u noe ?
Then I told myself i shall forget everything bout you .
Since u don bother to reply my message , cause u probably had ur reason . (Which was de only excuse I could think of to not make myself anyhow think , which i noe is just a rubbish excuse for myself. )



I noe it takes time , I was already prepared for it .
Whenever i thought about you , i would just go and sleep , its de only thing that will keep me away from you and everything else that is happening .
But when i woke up and saw ur message to me .
Everything feel as though .. It just disappears .
I was excited to reply , but i noe , you don't like me , so what's de point of you messaging me ?
I know its normal for friends to message each other , but not now ?
Friends are friends .
Me who like you , can't get along as a friend with you for the time being .
Its jsut , the feeling is different !
I love you , and u noe that too , for me to become friends with you again means i would have to forget how to love you , before we can really start being friends .
Anyway no matter how hard i think of it , there's only a few reason i could think of !
1) I'm just an entertainer to you .
2) You're just playing with my feelings .
3) You like me .

And yeap , no matter HOW HOW HARD I TRY TO THINK , THERE'S ONLY THIS 3 REASONS ! AND THE BEST PART IS , I NOE ALL 3AIN'T TRUE .
Well for de first reason , u once told me sent 4000 messages in a month .
Let's say 1 person sent u 1000 messages a month . So you will message about 4 people a month .
If you want me to be ur entertainer , why bother to choose me when u got ur other 3 person to entertain you ?
4 people ... U can say that i'm paranoid or oversensitive , but i dono who are they . And i know you are someone who don play with other people feelings or cheat other people ., but how do i really noe you don treat them all the same as you treat me ? I'm not you , i dono what u do or how u feel . i justtttttttttttttt keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppp thinkinggggggggggggggggggg youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu areeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee treatting them all de same as u treat me ! So i'm no different from them .! And you are just killing ur boredom while playing with my feelings !

I know u don like me , u once told me truthfully .
So that totally cancels out .

ARGHHH ! The feeling just suck !

IF ONLY YOU COULD JUST TELLL MEE THAT U LOVE ME !
EVERYTHIGN WILL BE FINE )::
We don have to stead , i just wwant to noe how u really feel !
2 years ... Was our promise to each other .
I swear if u tell me that u love me , i will have more faith in you and won't get jealous that easily .
Its liek of course , who wouldn't ?
The girl u like say she lieks you , of course you will trust her and no matter who she hangs out with , you noe the only one she likes its still you .

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT GOD DAMN IT ! >::
ME AND MY FANTASY WORLD .!
Dam it dam it dam it !


Its just so frustrating !



Ha , anyway its 12.56am le ! Shall go sleep ! And i really dedicated 30mins of my time to write this post from the bottom of my heart !
Idiot ! I don think i will be publish this .
Ohohoho . See which lucky idiot would come and see this .
But by the time somebody sees this , well ... She might have already hurt my fragile heart real badly .


I really love you . I really really do .
I don't know how to express it , but a smile from you would literally brighten up my day , and a little ignorance from you will turn my day gloomy .
But i would rather have you than anybody else !
Goodnight sweet dreams my love one .
Rachel Tan , i will always love you !

Bye .

READ THIS FIRST ! :) Name: Benjamin Koh .
School: Yuying Secondary School .
- Welcome to my blog , and please read this stuffs FIRST .
1) USUALLY hyper and cheerful , if not it will be super emo and pissED .
2) Random Attitude .
3) NEVER think before i talk so also always offend people .
4) Really appreciate if people were to care for me once in awhile especially when i'm down :)
5) And i have short term memory , so if u quarrel with me yesterday you will be waiting for a sorry from me the very next day :D . And don't ask me remember stuffs , its hard xO .
6) LOVE to play in rain . xD
7) AND I SUPER SUPER HATE BEING MALIGN !
8) VERY short tempered .

Love:
-Prata .
-Satay .
-Food .
-Friends .
-Love .
-Red .
-Rains .
Hates:
-Pangseh Kia .
-Peeps who ignore me .
-People who show me attitude for no reason .

Freedom
Four A1's
Lots of friends
Best BoyF
Best GirlF
Pass all my other tests ?
SUPER GOOD MEMORY !

Venice .
Syazani .
Desmond .
ANGGGGGGGGGGGGGG .
Andrea .
Cariah .
Carin .
Gil .
HongXing .
Meiting .
Rachel .
Timmy Noobie .
Yvonne .

February 2009
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